happy holidays.

the holiday season is my absolute favorite time of year. it always has been and i imagine, it always will be. i've always had a kid-like excitement for christmas, and at almost 30, that excitement hasn't faded and it's something i'm so grateful for because it's rooted in so much.

cress family christmas morning (missing the biggest brother) circa 1986.

cress family christmas morning (missing the biggest brother) circa 1986.

my christmas lists are always written by the end of october (and these lists are detailed so there can be no mistakes,) holiday tunes are the soundtrack of my life throughout all of november and december, i now stay up late to wrap gifts, anticipating the sheer joy on the face of our almost-3-year-old. i remember pulling the tape away from gifts while my parents were out of the house just to see if i could sneak a little peek. (sorry, mom and dad.) sadly, i almost did the same thing this week with my gifts under the tree...don't worry, i've grown out of it.


the gifting spirit, though, isn't what it's all about. i would say that i love gifts just as much as the next person, but that would be a lie. i LOVE gifts, likely way more than any 30-year-old woman should, but somehow, that's not what christmas is about.

for me, the holidays are about family, about memories. for me, the holidays bring on a certain nostalgia that nothing else in the world brings. the frenetic energy in the air and the spirit. the holidays make me miss being around my loud, beautiful, loving giant iowa family; the holidays bring me such gratitude for the small (but just as loud) family I am a part of now on the east coast; the holidays give me hope for making memories with the small little family we have together.


from trimming the tree, to making gingerbread cookies, to the winter solstice party at playschool, THIS is what it's all about for me.


these moments, these memories created from love. this is christmas to me.

happy holidays to you and yours from me and mine.

i quit: a lesson about integrity.




  1. 1

    the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

    "he is known to be a man of integrity"


  2. 2

    the state of being whole and undivided.

    "upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"

    from MW dictionary 

over the weekend, i quit my yoga teacher training.


i chose a program that I convinced myself would work because it was with people that I adore and in the neighborhood i love. i was going to be a 'hell yes' for this program even if i knew in my gut that this wasn't the right program for me. i was certain that somehow, the program would morph into the program i was hoping it would be. or maybe i would transform and fall madly in love with the program.

truthfully, i knew neither of those would happen. and i stuck it out for 3 months. i spent two full weekends meditating, practicing, connecting with people passionate about the work. and i also spent a little bit longer than that feeling like something was missing that i didn't want to acknowledge. i just didn't want to let people down because i'd been talking about completing a training for years and i had finally committed to one.

{pats self on back.}

but this training wasn't for them. this training was for me.

then, something hit me hard friday night (weekend #3 of training was 12 hours away):

i didn't want to go.

affer a good cry, a conversation with my husband and a couple of deep breaths, i said it out loud:

'i don't want to do this training anymore.'

for so many reasons, i just couldn't do it any more. and it finally felt good to not only acknowledge it, but to own it and be okay with it. something about this gave me freedom.

somewhere, at some point in time, someone said that you just have to walk away from the things that aren't serving you, those commitments, those choices that don't make your light shine its brightest. sometimes, you just have to understand that everything you do is a representation of yourself and to consciously make the choice to pursue something that pulls you out of showing up big and bright in this world is completely out of integrity with yourself.

i just had to walk away so i could be whole and complete.