it’s been a while.  i get it.  don’t be mad at me or this sweet little boy that takes up all of my time and attention.  thank goodness for the maya wrap and a daycare hunt, otherwise you wouldn’t be getting this update.

i have 4 days left of my maternity leave.  i cannot believe it’s been almost 8 weeks since this little monster came into the world.  it’s been such a whirlwind of emotion, wonder and just figuring it out as it comes moments.  i’m humbled by all of the things i have to learn from silas, from mama hood, from my relationship with khoran.  and he’s only been around for 7 weeks…we have the rest of our lives to learn from and grow with one another.

i’ve spent every single day with our little one and haven’t been away from him for more than 2 hours.  i honestly don’t know how khoran goes to work knowing that he won’t see our beautiful babe for at least 9 hours.  it would kill me.  yet, the time is coming.  tuesday, i go back to work.  tuesday, i leave our little man with his ‘auntie’ mona, who will be watching silas for the next month or so, until we find another alternative for childcare.  i went on a tour yesterday and as i sat in the lounge waiting, tears started to well up because i couldn’t imagine leaving silas with someone i didn’t know and more, i couldn’t imagine leaving silas.

i’ve always wanted to be a working mom - not to prove anything, but  to ensure that my family melded with my lifestyle.  to ensure that i didn’t change once i became a mother.  and now that it’s time to become a working mama, i’m apprehensive.  i’m ready to go back to work and not ready at all…all at the same time.  not only is the thought of leaving your child with someone you don’t know scary, it’s also ridiculously expensive…a huge price to pay for a stranger to hold your child and change his diaper!

my good friend (and boss at the time), carolyn, kept telling me to be open to the possibility that my ideas may change when i’ve been at home with my babe and for the last 6 weeks, i was sure that i was ready to go back to work.  that i wanted to fill my days developing people to be great, coaching them into possibility, doing what i absolutely LOVE.  and while it may be jitters because the day is quickly approaching that my days won’t only be filled with catering to silas’ needs, i am open to possibility.  any possibility, really.