it seems that these kinds of posts come more frequently than i'd like - the ones where i apologize (mostly to myself) about not writing more frequently, about not giving myself the time to sit down and do what lights me up, about doing this or that before something else. honestly, it's because they do happen pretty frequently; this time, i don't feel so guilty. or at least i'm not going to dwell on it.

it is what it is.

yes, it has been a while since i last sat down with the intention of reflection. that's what my writing is, after all - a chance for me to connect to and reflect on all of life's happenings, the pretty things i see, the times i forget to pay attention to myself and let life take control., anything and everything i'm loving at the moment.

i guess that's what i've been doing for the last few months.

that, and daydreaming.

  • i celebrated my 30th birthday in a few of the best ways possible:
    • a night on the town in nyc with some of my closest friends.
    • a romantic dinner (sans little one!) at arguably one of the best restaurants in nyc with my handsome mister.
    • brunch at our favorite lower east side restaurant with one of my best friends and her lovely (and bonkosi-approved) suitor.
  • i've lost track of my yoga mat. and i mean this in the philosophical sense. [and have since found it again, thanks to this guy.]
  • i've forgotten which programs i use to blog. no, really.
  • i've talked to my best friend every week. it's felt good to just pick up the phone.
  • i've thought about a new yoga teacher training, reading books, writing and learning something new.
  • i got pregnant.
  • i started a baby registry.
  • we spent a few quiet days at the beach on the outer banks.
  • i've dreamt of traveling, long distances, short ones, different countries, back home, my mister and rambunctious toddler right by my side. i've dreamt of this daily.
  • i've thought about selling most of our belongings to live a more simple life...and afford ourselves the ability to travel to destinations near and far.

mostly, though, i've been living, breathing it all in.


hey monday!

today felt different.

it's not like i woke up this morning and gave myself a much-needed pep talk - you know, the whole 'today is a new something great' sort of talks. i definitely didn't do that.

instead, i woke up lazily [note: slowly would be too graceful a word to use in this instance], with a sick, feverish little one and a drowsy husband next to me. we woke up with our phones in-hand, a terrible habit i so desperately want to get out of, deciding to keep our little home from school, which in turn would keep me home from my freelance work.

after re-reading that paragraph, i'm not sure how today was any different than every other gloomy monday i've felt not-so-motivated. the last few mondays (and to be honest, most days of the last couple of months), i've felt under-motivated. and even that may be an understatement.

but again, i said today felt different.

it was beautiful outside. honestly, absolutely beautiful. the sun was shining, there was something spring-like in the air...and that puts a little pep in my step. oh, and today was week 12 of my second pregnancy. which means the dreaded first trimester is over...and i think my body felt it (quite literally.) my perspective shifted, my energy levels, which had been building over just the last couple of days, finally got me off of my couch for more than an hour.


i mean, i was still in my just-rolled-out-of-bed-find-something-quick clothes from this morning at 4p this afternoon, but my nails were painted...and not just my toes or my fingers. BOTH sets of extremities were painted, with topcoat.

this was huge. how huge? not only were my nails painted, i also showered and shaved my legs, i was excited to write, and i committed to getting our little one back into a bedtime routine (to hopefully rid him of his night terrors.) oh, and those piles of unfolded clean laundry lying in all corners of our home that i've grown to have a strong disdain for - they got touched - folded and put away.

today, felt different.

today was the day that i committed to loving on myself a little bit more so i can love on family and friends a little bit harder, a little bit longer and not feel sucked dry by the time i get into bed.

today, i felt powerful, inspired, committed to taking control of my circumstances and stop living vicariously through the people who inspire me on instagram or the pretty radical group of women i'm connected to through a facebook group.

some days are harder than others to feel like this, but yet again, i did say that today felt different.