being a mom.

so, i’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of mother i will be.  it scares me to death to think that i won’t know what to do with our little bean, but honestly, i don’t know that there’s a rule book to follow.  i know that i can trust my instincts, that my child will communicate to me what he needs, when he needs it and that we’ll form our own little language of love.  this is not something i question.  i’ve always had this maternal instinct, ever since i can remember, but it’s all so surreal now because in 3 short months (12 weeks!) khoran and i will be fully responsible for another human being.  i’ve avoided delving into the books, magazines, classes, etc. because i want to be able to trust my own instincts…and have only taken the advice of what kinds of things are necessities for a newborn (thank you, fit pregnancy and moms that shop at my store.)

when i think about what kind of mother i will be, i really only have one reference: my mother.  i only know what it’s like to be raised by my very own mother and what that looks like for someone who was raised by my stern, jovial, traditional, only-wants-‘the best’-for-her-children, loving mother, to raise another human being.  my sister, as much as she wants to resist and deny it, is so much like my mother.  and thankfully, she knows how amazing this truly is.  when i think about what kind of mother i will be, i can only hope that i will be as good of a mother as my sister, libra, is.

my sister is almost 10 years my senior, so when i think of my sister, i think of my second mom.  because we were both raised by said above woman, she’s always understood where i’ve come from and has always been the first person i turn to (& then khoran came around.)  she’s loving, kind, understanding and unbelievably patient (which is shocking if you know my sister.)  she trusts that she’s been given all of the tools she needs to be an amazing mother and believes in who she can be for declan.  declan is almost 3 and the terrible two’s didn’t actually exist for this sweet little nugget.  why?  my sister (and her wonderful hubby, of course.)  she knows when and how to punish, she gives an endless amount of love to declan and thinks he’s pretty much the coolest thing to ever walk the earth.

so, with that, i have to thank my sister for being my ‘book’ on ‘how to be a mom.’