warning: facetime will make it worse.

this was my status update sunday night:

warning: do NOT facetime with your toddler before bed during the first night of a 9-day work trip. do NOT.

i'm on my first long work trip in a really long time. when the little was first born and well into his first year or so, i traveled quite a bit for work. hard on the mister and definitely hard on me, but the little, well, he didn't really know the difference.

fast-forward to the part where there's a 2 1/2 year-old in the mix who's unbelievably smart, loves and dotes on his mama, especially when he's sleepy or needs comforting, and then to the part where said mama craves those moments when this little one asks or wonts for her and you'll be all caught up.

facetime, well, it was a bad idea. it was almost his bedtime and after a long day of travel and running around this place i'll be exploring over the next 7 (!!!) days, it was close to being my bedtime, too. i was tired and was trying to avoid a FaceTime call for a reason i would soon discover.  i missed my boys and wanted see their faces, so, why not? a few minutes won't hurt, right?


after a few minutes of this:

'hi babe. how was your day?'
'silas, how was school? what'd you do today? you went pee-pee on the potty all day? you wore big boy pants? oh my gawwwwsh, that's awesome!'
'i have a busy day tomorrow...don't forget to take a-z to school with him.'
'me too. i have so much to do...i have to...'

this happened:

'mommy, i want you...mommy, what are you doing in there?'
'silas, you're going to go to bed with daddy tonight, okay?'
'mommy, i want you.'
'i'll be home soon.' (-ish, because 7 more nights is not really all that soon, not even for an adult who can process that length of time.)
'no, mommmmmy...i want you!'

and then the tears came for both of us.

before, the missing was tolerable because i was the only one who could understand it. but now he understands. and it makes it much harder for him.

and for me.

six more nights to go.