a letter of forgiveness

after two days of discovery during my first yoga teacher training this weekend, it took until the very last hours for me to really understand why i'm there. one of our last exercises was to write a letter to someone with whom we had been inauthentic.

i tried to come up with a list of recipients, so i started thinking about all of the people you'd assume would be on anyone else's list: my husband, my parents, my sister, my best friend, my boss. nope, not them.

my recipient was exactly who needed to write it.

read it.

believe it.

and let it go.

dear me,

i want to acknowledge that i've been out of integrity with you for too long. i haven't asked for support when i've needed it most, i haven't pursued what i love with passion, i haven't stepped outside of my comfort zone and I haven't said 'yes' to adventures, a new way of thinking, a different perspective and have been simply following the 'rules' of my life in black & white.

i acknowledge the steps you have taken that have given you a breath of fresh air, from stepping down at work, to launching your website, to spending more time with your family, to asking khoran what you really need. all of those steps are truly monumental shifts in the patterns of your daily life. it's not enough...not yet.

i want you to know that i am 100% responsible for talking the talk but not walking the walk and i want to be a stand for you to live your life, fully self-expressed; living what you love and continuing to ask for exactly what you need. especially when it's weighing on you like a ton of bricks, but also when it feels more manageable and you don't think you need the support.

i am committed to creating the space for you to live an inspired life; one that's vulnerable, messy, polished, connected, loving, full of joy and creativity.

i am committed to asking for what you need when you don't think you need it and not just when you feel like breaking down.

i am committed to being the real conversation with everyone in my life and cleaning up messes when they show up.

i stand for you to be confident, vulnerable, beautifully messy, completely put together, adventurous and a homebody. i stand for you to try something new just for the experience and for getting uncomfortable.

i stand for you to be a stand for yourself, for what you want to create and for the life you want to live.

with love and peace.

bonkosi alyssa

((yoga teacher training day 2. 9.17.14)