"they grow up so fast!"

i know, it's such a cliche...what they say about kids growing up too fast. i never believed it...

...until today. the first day of preschool. or 'playschool'

i don't think i was prepared for this next step in my little's life. it's indicative of so many things in his development, yet the one thing i keep thinking about is how it just means how big he's getting. how much he's learning. how much he's connecting. how he's navigating this world.

how independent he's becoming.

i have to keep telling myself how important this step is for him...and for me. how he'll need me for other things in life, perhaps more important, or just different things. how he won't look for me when he stubs a toe and ask me to 'kiss it,' or how he may not call for me at night when he's having bad dreams or just needs to fall back asleep.

what i do know he'll ask for is love, support for the things that really develop him into who he is and what he's capable of in this world.

all i want right now, though, is for him to depend on me. that's the hard part - wanting him to grow up to be an independent, strong, smart, thoughtful, caring, life-loving man, yet wanting him to stay so small and helpless for selfish reasons.

that's part of this 'parenting' thing. the shaping, the molding and then letting him learn on his own without me giving him all of the answers, the discovery of independence. we all have to do it. and we re-learn it at different crossroads.

i suppose i'm on a new road.